Objects at home are stronger than they appear

This past Sunday, I hosted an engagement party at my house for my youngest daughter and her fiance. It was an informal affair, an opportunity for them to have friends over to celebrate with them, discuss bridesmaid and groomsmen selections, and to drink alcohol. My oldest daughter "planned" this party; it was supposed to be at a local reservoir, but in my heart I knew it would end up being at my house.

Daughter #1 never reserved a picnic site at the reservoir, although I kept telling her she needed to do this. "I'm too busy, Mom. Can you do it?" she would say. Well, it wasn't my party to plan, and while I would have preferred it to be at the reservoir, I figure at 24 years of age, she "should" be responsible enough to take care of this. Daughter #1 had already asked if they could use my home for the after party - an excuse to invite all their friends over to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

The after party would be no problem for me to hold at my house. The guest list would exclude one person, their dad, who I am no longer married to. I did not want this man in my house after going through a somewhat bitter divorce. I definitely did not want him bringing the young married woman (only three years older than Daughter #1) whom he chose to end our marriage with into my house with me there. He had already brought her into my house, into my bed, but that is another story to tell for another time.

Both Daughter #1 and Daughter #2 agreed that they did not want the young married woman in attendance at the engagement party. But, I needed to know that their dad had a girlfriend who would be at the engagement party at the reservoir. No big deal, I have a boyfriend who would be a the engagement party, too, along with his youngest daughter. Hey, if he wanted to bring the young married woman, more power to him. She pales in comparison to this Asian Pacific Islander beauty and would not be welcome by most people at the party. Rock on dude!!

Poor planning on Daughter #1's part and inclement weather moved the party to my house. I asked both Daughters to inform their dad that young married woman was not welcome. This was lost in the translation from Mother to Daughters and Daughter #1 called her dad and said he was not allowed to bring any woman to the engagement party. This was conveyed to their dad on Saturday, to which I was privy to the telephone conversation. I immediately informed Daughter #1 of her mistake, but she chose not to correct the mistake until the next day.

I knew it would be hard to have their dad in my house, and to have his girlfriend there, too, but I knew I was stronger than I appear to him. I have come through the fire and have survived. I knew I could do it and that I could be in the same room with their dad without saying something nasty to him and/or physically harming him. At least not in front of my daughters; in front of friends, well, that's another thing!

I also knew I was in a much happier place with my boyfriend, MJ. We have been together since October 2007 and I have been so fortunate to have him in my life. My Daughters approve of him, as do my dearest and closest friends. His youngest Daughter likes me, too. What more can I ask for? Well, for his divorce to be final, but that is another story for another time, too.

Party time arrives, their dad arrives, my friends arrive, their friends arrive, my boyfriend and his daughter arrives and it is all good. Their dad looks terrible, and while Daughters and future son-in-law have been in town for the five days prior to the party, this is the first time they see their dad on this trip. I basically stay out of the room he is in, and avoid looking at him. Easy to do, not look at him, for he looks sick, or as my dear dead Dad used to say (in Pidgin), "Da buggah he look sick."

Did I mention that he did not bring his girlfriend? I overheard him say to one of my Daughters, that you can't change your mind at the last minute and expect people to not have plans in place already. Oh Well. If my boyfriend was going to his ex-wife's house for an engagement party for one of his older children, I would do everything in my power to attend along with him. But, that's just me, an insecure person, who happens to be stronger than I appear.

At any rate, my dearest and closest friend told me she would pray me through the party and that I would make it. I did make it. She was shocked at how bad their dad looked, she was happy to see the contrast between he and I and to see how much I have grown since I found out about his young married woman in January of 2007. And she pitied him, for she could see the difference in the relationship I have with my Daughters and the non-relationship he has with the same Daughters.

While he hasn't seen them since June 2008, he spent more time talking to other people than visiting my Daughters. To add insult to injury, they learned he was within a 90 minute drive from where they live and did not visit. And, that he plans on being another 90 minutes away form where they live, with once again, no plans to visit. This is the same man who has not said what he will pay for in way of Daughter #2's wedding. The same man who plans to vacation in Italy, and who Daughter #2 said, "has money coming out of his ass."

I am stronger than I ever thought I would be. When my life was turned upside down in January of 2007, I thought I would die. I have learned so much since then and have grown in ways I never would have thought possible. I went from the care of my father, at the age of 17 years, to the care of the United States Air Force, to the care of my, then husband, at the age of 19 years old. At 43 years old, I had not ever really been on my own, but was forced into it by the lying, cheating man I used to call my husband.

It has not been easy, but I would not trade this life in for one where he did not cheat on me and where we are still together. For in this life, I have formed deeper and closer relationships with my Daughters. While I thought we were close before everything happen, I was wrong - we are closer than ever before. I formed a closer relationship with a family that took me in when it all happened and became a family not only to me, but to my Daughters as well. So much so, that my Daughters call them their other Mother and other Father.

And, most importantly, I restored my relationship with my Mom, a relationship that had been broken for almost seven years. I don't have the best relationship with my Mom, but at least we are talking to each other, now. Something we hadn't really done for almost seven years. That's a long time to not talk to someone I love.