Homesick

Sometimes, I miss Hawai'i so much that it feels like a physical pain. Right now would be one of those times. I listen to Hawaiian music on Hawaiian105.com streaming over the Internet and the song is "I Miss You My Hawai'i" by Na Leo. While they are not singing about the island I am from, Kaua'i, I can hear and see Kaua'i in my head and it makes me just want to cry.

I think being from Hawai'i and being part Hawaiian makes it harder to be away from the islands. While I haven't lived there for over 25 years, since leaving at the tender age of 17, it is still within me and always will be. To be surrounded by water again, to see the water everyday is a blessing that no one can understand unless they have grown up on an island.

The smell of Kaua'i is like no other. Truly, if the smell could be bottled and sold, the company that did this would be instantly rich. Everytime I walk out into the Lihue International Airport and am washed in a wave of humidity and that lovely smell, I cry, for I know I am home.

This is hard for me to admit, but there is no other home for me than my home on Kaua'i. Even if it is a home I no longer own - it is held in trust for my children, with my brother holding the trust. This was done to protect this piece of paradise from the father of my children, whom I could no longer trust. This is my gift to them, something that is such a part of me that it hurts to think about it.

For many years, I made fun of those people who chose the military - either as an occupation or as a spouse of a military member - who wanted to go "home." I always felt like home was where I was living at the time and that I had to make most of it. Little did I know that one day I would have to eat those words; can someone pass me some of that good Hawaiian salt?