China's One Child Policy

On Sunday Mornings, it appears, that no matter where in the US it may be, my favorite radio station will have some form of "Talk Radio." I was listening to Hawaiian105.com and part of the discussion was on China's One Child Policy. The talking head went on to say that if China had not instituted a One Child Policy, there population would be greater by the population currently found in the United States.

This gave me pause to reflect on my feelings on China's One Child Policy. That many more people in China, if it wasn't for the One Child Policy, would have overrun the country. But, does that make China's One Child Policy a good thing? I don't think so.

For starters, because of Chinese culture, males are valued over females. When a Chinese Female marries a Chinese Male, she moves to her husband's family home. The male is expected to live in the family home in order to take care of his parents as they age. Due to the One Child Policy, China now has a generation of young adults where there are more males than females.

Since males are valued over females, and families are only allowed one child, when a couple are expecting a baby, they will use whatever options are available to them to determine the sex of the child. If it is a female baby, they will choose an abortion, with plans to try again for the coveted male child.

Abortion is a touchy subject, but no matter where you stand on this issue, having an abortion because you are having a baby of the wrong sex is simply wrong. To me, this is the same as having an abortion because the baby I am expecting will have brown hair instead of blond hair or blue eyes instead of brown eyes. Yes, there is no technology in place to determine a baby's hair color or eye color prior to birth, but if that technology were in place, would it make it acceptable to abort a baby for having the wrong hair or eye color? No, it would still be wrong, in the same way that aborting female babies is wrong.

What about the Chinese families that did not have the means to determine their babies sex prior to birth, who have a Female baby at birth? Well, here in the Denver Metro area, I have seen the results of the One Child Policy in the amount of little Chinese girls who are adopted into a Caucasian family. The Chinese family gave the Female Baby up for adoption at birth.

This could be viewed as an advantage to us, here in the United States, of China's One Child Policy in that couples who are willing to adopt internationally, can adopt a little Chinese baby from China. Personally, I enjoy seeing these little Chinese girls here in the Denver Metro area, because they remind me of being in Hawai'i. While I am not Chinese, I enjoy seeing these little Asian children for they look more like me and I feel like less of a minority when in their company. But, I digress.

I am opposed to China's One Child Policy. Would the country have been overrun with people? Who knows, but somehow I don't think this would have happened.

Reducing My Carbon Footprint, Part I

I have been actively trying to reduce my carbon footprint. Not because I am a "green" person, just because I am cheap and reducing my carbon footprint happens to be a by product of my cheapness. I did not realize that this was what I was doing, when I set out to cut corners at the beginning of summer, but there it is - a reduction of my carbon footprint.

For starters, I try to use my electric dryer as little as possible. Since the start of summer, I have used my dryer twice - both times when my daughters were back from Durango. I had to squeeze my load of wash between there loads of wash (typical college student mentality), and since we were constantly on the go, it was easier to throw the load into the dryer instead of hanging it on my drying rack.

I like the feel of air dried laundry. It takes me back, somewhat, to my childhood, growing up on the beautiful island of Kaua'i in Hawai'i. We did not own a dryer, and to this day, my Mom still does not own a dryer. We hung wet laundry either on the clothesline out behind the house or on the clothesline in the carport (no garage). There was a methodology to the way we hung our laundry to dry. Smallest to largest, everything pulled tight, no clothespins left on the line (they went into a bag that was brought into the carport when not in use outside, otherwise the wood had a tendency to rot and turn black, transferring to the laundry), and fine unmentionables (underwear) was never hung on the first line - always behind some towels or other items of laundry so as not to be seen from the front.

At the time, I chafed at the rules of hanging laundry, but when I return to Kaua'i, I fall into the same pattern, whether it is at my Mom's house, my hanai sister's house, or my cousin's house. I hang my laundry according to my Mom's methodology.

When I first considered not using my electric dryer, I thought I would hang a clothesline in my backyard. This was not a viable option for two reasons. The first reason, is that logistically, I could not rig a clothesline in my backyard by myself. I hate asking my boyfriend for help all the time, and since I was being cheap, I did not want to spend money on hiring someone to do it for me.

The second, and more important reason, is that I live in a walkout house with my laundry room on the second floor. While this is an optimum setup to have the laundry room on the same level as the bedrooms, the thought of hauling wet clothing down two flights of stairs was not something I could see myself doing. After all, not only am I cheap, but I also tend to be lazy. I knew I needed to have a plan in place that would carry me through the long haul, not just a week or two and then I would grow weary of it. So, I hang my laundry inside my house.

Fortunately for me, I have a reasonable sized laundry room where I can hang my laundry on hangers and hang them from one of two wire shelves. I also have a drying rack that works very well for my fine unmentionables, shorts, socks, and towels. Since this is Colorado, where it is usually pretty arid (humidity today is at 50%), I can wash my laundry at my leisure and in a few hours, they are dry. It also helps that I am a single person household - I don't have a ton of laundry to wash and figure out where to hang.

So, in an attempt to save money, I managed to reduce my carbon footprint by a little bit. In my cheapness, I have done other things that ended up reducing my carbon footprint even further, but that is a blog for another time.

Objects at home are stronger than they appear

This past Sunday, I hosted an engagement party at my house for my youngest daughter and her fiance. It was an informal affair, an opportunity for them to have friends over to celebrate with them, discuss bridesmaid and groomsmen selections, and to drink alcohol. My oldest daughter "planned" this party; it was supposed to be at a local reservoir, but in my heart I knew it would end up being at my house.

Daughter #1 never reserved a picnic site at the reservoir, although I kept telling her she needed to do this. "I'm too busy, Mom. Can you do it?" she would say. Well, it wasn't my party to plan, and while I would have preferred it to be at the reservoir, I figure at 24 years of age, she "should" be responsible enough to take care of this. Daughter #1 had already asked if they could use my home for the after party - an excuse to invite all their friends over to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

The after party would be no problem for me to hold at my house. The guest list would exclude one person, their dad, who I am no longer married to. I did not want this man in my house after going through a somewhat bitter divorce. I definitely did not want him bringing the young married woman (only three years older than Daughter #1) whom he chose to end our marriage with into my house with me there. He had already brought her into my house, into my bed, but that is another story to tell for another time.

Both Daughter #1 and Daughter #2 agreed that they did not want the young married woman in attendance at the engagement party. But, I needed to know that their dad had a girlfriend who would be at the engagement party at the reservoir. No big deal, I have a boyfriend who would be a the engagement party, too, along with his youngest daughter. Hey, if he wanted to bring the young married woman, more power to him. She pales in comparison to this Asian Pacific Islander beauty and would not be welcome by most people at the party. Rock on dude!!

Poor planning on Daughter #1's part and inclement weather moved the party to my house. I asked both Daughters to inform their dad that young married woman was not welcome. This was lost in the translation from Mother to Daughters and Daughter #1 called her dad and said he was not allowed to bring any woman to the engagement party. This was conveyed to their dad on Saturday, to which I was privy to the telephone conversation. I immediately informed Daughter #1 of her mistake, but she chose not to correct the mistake until the next day.

I knew it would be hard to have their dad in my house, and to have his girlfriend there, too, but I knew I was stronger than I appear to him. I have come through the fire and have survived. I knew I could do it and that I could be in the same room with their dad without saying something nasty to him and/or physically harming him. At least not in front of my daughters; in front of friends, well, that's another thing!

I also knew I was in a much happier place with my boyfriend, MJ. We have been together since October 2007 and I have been so fortunate to have him in my life. My Daughters approve of him, as do my dearest and closest friends. His youngest Daughter likes me, too. What more can I ask for? Well, for his divorce to be final, but that is another story for another time, too.

Party time arrives, their dad arrives, my friends arrive, their friends arrive, my boyfriend and his daughter arrives and it is all good. Their dad looks terrible, and while Daughters and future son-in-law have been in town for the five days prior to the party, this is the first time they see their dad on this trip. I basically stay out of the room he is in, and avoid looking at him. Easy to do, not look at him, for he looks sick, or as my dear dead Dad used to say (in Pidgin), "Da buggah he look sick."

Did I mention that he did not bring his girlfriend? I overheard him say to one of my Daughters, that you can't change your mind at the last minute and expect people to not have plans in place already. Oh Well. If my boyfriend was going to his ex-wife's house for an engagement party for one of his older children, I would do everything in my power to attend along with him. But, that's just me, an insecure person, who happens to be stronger than I appear.

At any rate, my dearest and closest friend told me she would pray me through the party and that I would make it. I did make it. She was shocked at how bad their dad looked, she was happy to see the contrast between he and I and to see how much I have grown since I found out about his young married woman in January of 2007. And she pitied him, for she could see the difference in the relationship I have with my Daughters and the non-relationship he has with the same Daughters.

While he hasn't seen them since June 2008, he spent more time talking to other people than visiting my Daughters. To add insult to injury, they learned he was within a 90 minute drive from where they live and did not visit. And, that he plans on being another 90 minutes away form where they live, with once again, no plans to visit. This is the same man who has not said what he will pay for in way of Daughter #2's wedding. The same man who plans to vacation in Italy, and who Daughter #2 said, "has money coming out of his ass."

I am stronger than I ever thought I would be. When my life was turned upside down in January of 2007, I thought I would die. I have learned so much since then and have grown in ways I never would have thought possible. I went from the care of my father, at the age of 17 years, to the care of the United States Air Force, to the care of my, then husband, at the age of 19 years old. At 43 years old, I had not ever really been on my own, but was forced into it by the lying, cheating man I used to call my husband.

It has not been easy, but I would not trade this life in for one where he did not cheat on me and where we are still together. For in this life, I have formed deeper and closer relationships with my Daughters. While I thought we were close before everything happen, I was wrong - we are closer than ever before. I formed a closer relationship with a family that took me in when it all happened and became a family not only to me, but to my Daughters as well. So much so, that my Daughters call them their other Mother and other Father.

And, most importantly, I restored my relationship with my Mom, a relationship that had been broken for almost seven years. I don't have the best relationship with my Mom, but at least we are talking to each other, now. Something we hadn't really done for almost seven years. That's a long time to not talk to someone I love.

Why do I have pets?

Why do we, as humans, have pets? Sometimes I wonder why I changed my mammal out policy to allow three furry critters into my house. Especially on those days when I am roused several times in the middle of the night by my dog, Popoki, to be let out of my bedroom. And, on the following day, when I find dog vomit and dog poop in various places in my house.

My mammal out policy was exactly as it sounded. No new mammals (human or otherwise) was allowed to take residence in my house - mammals were supposed to leave my house. This worked fairly well with my two daughters moving to Durango to finish College and to work. They no longer returned home on a permanent basis, having found a place to rent year round in Durango. They were the first two mammals to leave my house, leaving a dog and two cats to move out. The dog was my youngest daughter's dog to take once she returned from Palestine in the summer of 2007, and the cats (oldest daughter's pets) were to go to Durango once they found a place where they were allowed to have animals.

Unfortunately, the dog came down with Lymphoma while daughter number two was in Palestine and had to be euthanized. It was quick, the progression of this disease, and so another mammal was out of my house. This left two cats, who soon left my house on Labor Day of 2007. My mammal out policy had worked! They were all gone and I was alone. But, wait, I was alone and very lonely. I decided it may be a good idea to get a small dog as a companion, and as a way to maybe attract a man.

My future son-in-law worked at the Durango Animal shelter, and when I went to visit in September of 2007, he had Popoki picked out for me. It was love at first sight. I adopted her an brought her home. House training went fairly smoothly. I was set. No more mammals into my house.

Then, there came the day where there was a post on the classified ads at work giving away a brother and sister pair of orange tabby kittens, free, to a good home. I don't know if I qualified as a good home, but figured it was worth a try. I figured these kittens would already be gone - they were already fixed and declawed and they were free. Alas, I was the first to ask for them and they became mine. Cody and Katy now joined my household, too.

Well, since my daughters and my future son-in-law were just in town, with their two dogs, Atticus & Finch, I think it upset the routine for Popoki. She has been sick, throwing up and pooping everywhere. I think it must be the excitement and the let down since they have left. Sigh. What was I thinking in deviating from my mammal out policy? I must be nuts, and now I must continue to cleaning spots on my carpet.

Update: My poor dog had giardia. She had the giardia shot in November 2007, but according to my animal Doctor (Dr. Haas, Pet Palace Vet), the shot only works about 50% of the time, and some dogs are just susceptible. Sigh. He gave me some magic medicine that instantly dried up the diarrhea, and by the next day Popoki was back to normal.

Financial Living

I read this article (which I subsequently can't find), that described a radical way of financial living called 10-10-80. Since I can't find the article anywhere, I modified the 10-10-80 plan a bit to fit my lifestyle. The 10-10-80 financial living plan is where you give away 10% of your income to someone who is in need (charity), save 10% of your income, and live off of the remaining 80% of your income.

I modified this by applying the 10-10-80 plan to my net income. Technically, I am saving more than 10% of my income, since I try to contribute the maximum amount to my 401K account. I don't know if the "real" plan calls for the 10-10-80 to be applied to your gross income vs. your net income, but I decided I would do it on my net income.

I was already giving some amount to charity, so I figured out what more I needed to give to get to 10% and did that with the first paycheck I started this plan on. Then, I saved 10% in an emergency/house/divorce fund. It sure did feel good to be able to give the one charity more money from that first paycheck (my military retirement from July & my regular pay check from 1 August) and to see the balance of my emergency/house/divorce fund increase. Then, reality hit.

I am not someone who balances their checkbook. I can't remember the last time I balanced my checkbook and really, in this day and age of on-line banking and debit cards, who uses a check register? I am guessing there are a lot of people out there who still do, but I prefer to monitor my account every few days. Well, there came the day where I was short of funds when trying to sue my debit card, so I put the purchase on my American Express. Then, I transferred money from my regular savings account to my primary account to cover expenses.

Another paycheck came in on 15 August and I had all intentions of plugging the numbers into my handy dandy spreadsheet to come up with the 10-10-80 plan, but before that could happen I once again found myself short of funds and having to use my American Express card and having to transfer money from my regular savings account to my primary account to cover expenses.

This is not how the plan works. What I am supposed to be doing, is going without when I use all of the 80%. So, let me justify my actions.

My daughters and future son-in-law were back in town for a wedding of a friend and for my youngest daughter's engagement party. So, I spent money on a bachelorette party, an engagement party, and general spoiling of these adult kids. It is a bad habit and pattern that I have fallen into over and over again - spoiling these kids that way. More justification, the engagement party was held at my house and her dad did not offer to pay anything. To give him credit, he did bring three five dollar foot long sub sandwiches and some beer. I bought all the food and half the alcohol.

Where do I go from here? I wait until the 29 August paycheck and 1 September retired income to kick in and make up for the 15 August paycheck and live on less.

Homesick

Sometimes, I miss Hawai'i so much that it feels like a physical pain. Right now would be one of those times. I listen to Hawaiian music on Hawaiian105.com streaming over the Internet and the song is "I Miss You My Hawai'i" by Na Leo. While they are not singing about the island I am from, Kaua'i, I can hear and see Kaua'i in my head and it makes me just want to cry.

I think being from Hawai'i and being part Hawaiian makes it harder to be away from the islands. While I haven't lived there for over 25 years, since leaving at the tender age of 17, it is still within me and always will be. To be surrounded by water again, to see the water everyday is a blessing that no one can understand unless they have grown up on an island.

The smell of Kaua'i is like no other. Truly, if the smell could be bottled and sold, the company that did this would be instantly rich. Everytime I walk out into the Lihue International Airport and am washed in a wave of humidity and that lovely smell, I cry, for I know I am home.

This is hard for me to admit, but there is no other home for me than my home on Kaua'i. Even if it is a home I no longer own - it is held in trust for my children, with my brother holding the trust. This was done to protect this piece of paradise from the father of my children, whom I could no longer trust. This is my gift to them, something that is such a part of me that it hurts to think about it.

For many years, I made fun of those people who chose the military - either as an occupation or as a spouse of a military member - who wanted to go "home." I always felt like home was where I was living at the time and that I had to make most of it. Little did I know that one day I would have to eat those words; can someone pass me some of that good Hawaiian salt?

Who I Am, Part 1

My name is Mary La'a (last name withheld), the name given to me at birth, named after an Aunt who died at the Leper Colony on Molokai, Hawai'i before my parents were married and before I was born. I was born at the tail end of the baby boomer generation, on the island of Kaua'i, in the state of Hawai'i, the first child of my parents.

My mother is first generation Korean, her parents were born and raised in Korea; she was from a large family where she was the second to last child. She has somewhere from 14-15 siblings, most of whom are now with my ancestors. It is unknown whether my maternal grandparents came from Southern or Northern Korea, but when they immigrated to Hawai'i, there was only one Korea.

My father was one-half second generation Japanese, also known as Nisei, and one-half Hawaiian. I say, "was," because he died in January 1991, and is now among my ancestors. My paternal grandmother was full blooded Hawaiian, a descendant of the last King of Kaua'i, the last King to rule the island before King Kamehameha I united the Hawaiian islands under single rule. My paternal grandfather was first generation Japanese, also known as Issei.

My father was from a family of five children where he was the youngest. First born was James, followed by Violet, Mary La'a (who I am named after), George, and the baby of the family, David, my father. My father did not marry my mother until he was 40 years old; his siblings married much younger. By the time my parents had me, I had second cousins who were older or as old as me.

Seven years and nine days after my birth, my parents had my baby brother, Mat. We were the two youngest grandchildren of my paternal grandparents. My maternal grandparents died before my parents married; my maternal grandfather died when my mother was a child, with my maternal grandmother dying the year before my parents wed. My family lived right next to my paternal grandfather and since we were the youngest grandchildren, we shared a special bond with our paternal grandparents.